Discernment

The past couple of weeks I have had this desire in my heart to have a boyfriend. This is not a desire that I have had in almost 3 years. I don't know if it's God saying that i'm ready for a relationship now or if it's just me being a girl. There has been a certain guy that I have never really had strong feelings for or even thought about dating and recently my thoughts have changed about him. I don't really think about him until i'm around him and then I catch myself staring at him, thinking about him and feeling quite happy when i'm around him. I talked to a friend about him and the way I have been feeling and I came to the realization that I might just be attracted to the God in him and the music side of him and not him as a person. Coming to this realization really made me feel better because I don't really want to have feelings for him. He was kind of dating one of my close friends not too long ago and that would just be too weird. Tonight my campus ministry (Chi Alpha) had a super bowl party and he was there. At first I didn't even think about him other than our usual "hi, what's up" thing. Then during the game we made eyes at each other a couple of times and I got this really strong feeling in my heart. That really didn't help me to stop thinking about him. It only made myself think about him more and even want to look at him more. If this really is a God thing them I can't really ignore it but i'm hoping and praying that it is just me being a girl and that it's only the God and music in him that i'm attracted to. The super bowl party was a whole lot of fun and I really enjoyed spending time with good friends. I'm hoping that these feelings will slowly fade away but for now i'm going to pray about it and see if it's really what God wants for me. This is hard for me because i've never put God first in all this relationship stuff. I've always known that I wanted a good Christian guy that goes to church and believes in God but that was the extent of God being in my relationship. I now know that there is more to it and I am learning as I go. I wish all of this relationship stuff could be easy but I guess that's just not the way things are ment to be so I will just have to trust in God and let him be in charge.