Honest

This semester I'm going to work on being more honest about things. I tend to be too nice sometimes and I think I let people walk all over me. That is not going to happen anymore. If there is a situation that might be hurting my feelings or something and I don't say something about it because I'm being nice then how can the situation change? I think that some people don't realize what they are doing and how it might be affecting someone. I also think that they would appreciate me letting them know what they are doing and how it makes me feel so that they can change things. I think being honest about things like that shows that you are a true friend and that you want to help them change so they don't continue to hurt people without realizing it. Things like this are very hard for people like me that are really super nice but I'm not going to let people walk all over me and get hurt by it. It's time for me to stand up for myself. I am going to seek God's guidance through all of this and only say things when God tells me I should. I am learning to be more in tune with God and to be more bold. If he tells me I need to say something to someone about something then I'm going to say it. I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt and feeling like my friends don't really care about me after hanging out with them, even though I know they love me and care about me. Sometimes their actions don't match with their words. It's time that they know what is going on cause I know they would never want to hurt anybody, especially a friend. I know it's not something that they are doing on purpose but sometimes it happens and they need to know. Part of it could be because I'm kind of the quiet one and maybe there is something I need to do to help change the situation but all I know is that God is in control and he will guide me through this.

Back at school

So I got back to my apartment in San Marcos yesterday. I am really glad to be back and see all my friends but i'm so not ready for classes to start tomorrow. I don't know how i'm going to be able to wake up early for class but somehow i'll do it. When I got back I decided I needed a change so I moved some funiture around in my room so that my room would feel a bit bigger. It feels kind of strange having my bed in a different position but it's nice having more room in my room. I have a feeling this semester is going to be a hard one, and not just with school stuff but i'm going to do my best to make it a really good semester. I need to really strive to do my best in all my classes this semester and not just the bare minimum so I can pass. That has been the hardest thing for me since I have been in college. I just do the bare minimum to get by and pass but thats not always the best I can do. I need to do my best and strive for more than just the bare minimum to get by. One thing I have been lacking in college is motivation. Most of the time I just don't have the motivation for school and doing well in my classes and that is why I don't always do my best. This semester I am going to do all that I can to find that motivation to do my best and make better grades. It's not going to be easy but by the grace of God I will be able to do it and it will be a great semester.

Fun with friends

Yeasterday my friends Candice and Amanda came all the way to Brenham to hang out and spend the night at my house. It was so good to see them and get to spend time with them. We had a good time going shopping, going to starbucks, making our own pizza, playing games, and staying up late watching movies. We stayed up till about 3 in the morning watching The Little Rascals, and Everyone's Hero. The one thing that was a big hit was making our own pizza. It was a lot of fun and I had not done that since I was little. After a fun late night we ended up waking up late today. Once we all got up and got ready for the day we went to eat a late lunch at a place in downtown Brenham called must Be Heaven, which is a favorite of mine. It's a good place to go for lunch when you have out of town guest visiting. It's almost like taking a trip back in time to the 1950's. It was really a fun two days with my friends and I was sad to see them leave today but I know I will be seeing them in a week when I go back to San Marcos and I look forward to it.

Comforting

Yesterday evening was one of the best evenings i've had all break. I got to hang out with a friend that I haven't seen in a while and it was nice to just sit and talk with her. I could honestly talk to her for hours and never get tired of her, I love her. Last week was pretty stressful so it was a nice break from all the stress. I feel so blessed to have such awesome friends and I know that God has put each one of them in my life for a reason. I could not ask for better friends. After I got home last night I ended up talking with her for a while online and found out we have a lot in common. We also found out that we feel the same way about certain things. We talked a lot about things and it was like every time one of us said something the other one would say "me too!" It's nice to know that I have someone to talk to that understands exactly what i'm going through and how I feel. It's also nice to know that there is someone that has had some similar experiences as me. After talking with her all I could do is smile and I thought wow God loves me so much that he would put someone like her into my life. It was very comforting and for the first time I feet more at peace with the way I am.

Can't put into words

I have not written a blog post in a while and I have really been wanting to post but I haven't known what to write. A lot of things have happened since my last post and I have wanted to write about all of it but I don't really know how to put it into words. If I can ever figure out how to put it into word I will post it but for now it will just be a bunch of thoughts drifting through my mind. I seem to have this problem a lot and that is why I don't really post things very often. I'm not very good at putting thoughts into words so that other people will understand them and want to read them. Maybe that is why hardly anybody comments on my posts...oh well. I'm not going to let that stop me from posting on my blog. Maybe after my trip to washington I will have something interesting to write about but for now this is all i've got.

Worry

Why do we worry? It seems like it's just part of our human nature. It's like if we don't have something to worry about then we end up looking for things to worry about or we worry about things that are not even worth worrying about. Then we wish we didn't worry so much and we get all stressed out. There is something wrong with this picture here. Worrying does not change any of our situations and it just makes us all stressed out and nobody likes being stressed out. It causes us to miss out on some good moments in our lives because we are spending so much time worrying about things. What we need to do is give all our worries up to God so we can have that burden lifted off of us. If we know this then why is it so hard for us to give all our worries up to God? I think it's because we as humans like to be in control of our situations and giving our worries up to God means that we trust that he is in control of our situations. That is hard for us as humans. God says in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." This is something that we should all remember when we are worried about something. Even though it may be hard to give all your worries to God and give up control, in the end it will be so worth it because you will be able to experience the feedom and peace of Christ and you will have more joy in every situation instead of being brought down by worry. Christ died on the cross for all our sins so why wouldn't we want to give our worries up to Him? If we don't give our worries up to God then it's like saying that he only died on the cross for some of our sins and that is not it at all. He died for ALL of our sins. We can only experience the fullness of Christ when we have given ALL of ourselves up to God not just some. Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

"that connection"

Do people really care, or is it just that they only care sometimes? I think it's only in certain situations that they care and they don't always care. Close friends...yes, "that connection"...no. It's all a one way thing with everyone and it's all on me. I have to do it all to make things happen or i'd have nothing and people wouldn't care at all. It's just a sometimes thing and I don't have "that connection" with anyone, not one person. It makes me really sad and i'm thinking maybe it's me and I need to do something about it. Or maybe i'm making a big deal over nothing. I'm also kind of tired of it. It's kind of like a relationship where i'm doing all the calling and the boyfriend never calls. I want to have "that connection" that other people have with each other. I have thought this off and on for a while and I don't think things are going to change unless I do something about it. That means that it's going to be a one way thing again and it's all on me. Ugh!