Jesus poem

J is for jealous, for He is jealous for me.

E is for eternal life, which He has promised me.

S is for servant, which He has called me to be.

U is for His unconditional love that never fails.

S is for salvation, the gift He died to give me.

Here I am

So much has been going on since I last blogged. Some of it I can't even put into words. This semester has been a crazy one for sure. Good at times and not so good at other times. Right now I am sitting in my living room with my wonderful roomies watching a movie which is something I really enjoy doing. Yesterday I went to San Antonio with my mom to go to a Children's Chorus of San Antonio concert and it was really great seeing old friends. Then we stayed at a friends house and that was fun too. We haven't seen them in so long and it was good to catch up with them. I love going to San Antono! I know this is short and probablly kind of boring but I promise to say more another time. Anyways, I have a project due tomorrow and I need to finish it so I will blog again another time.

long time no post

So I know it's been a super long time since i've posted on my blog. I've kind of been at a loss for words when i've wanted to post something. School has been going well for the most part but it's definitely keeping me busy. Chi Alpha has been going really well and it's also been keeping me busy. I've been enjoying my new roommates this year and i'm forming some new friendships as well as strengthening some old ones. It's really been great to see how the Lord has provided at just the right time. I've had several ups and downs this semester but thats normal. One thing i've been working on is turning off my agenda and following God's agenda and that's been kind of hard at times but very rewarding. I have started going to a new church called Promiseland and i've really been enjoying it a lot. It was a hard transition at first but now it almost feels like home. All in all i would say this semeter has been a good one so far and I really can't complain. Even though I have bad days I always know that a good day is just around the corner because of the God's great and wonderful blessings.

Lake trip/end of summer

This past weekend I went to Lake Buchanan with my friends college group from her church. I have been 2 other times so i've gotten to know several of the people in the group. I just love going every summer and I always have a great time. This trip was probablly the best one for me because I felt more like I was a part of the group. I had a great time riding on the boat, swimming, playing games, having good conversation with frinds and riding a jet ski for the first time...yes, I really did ride on a jet ski. Riding on the jet ski was the most adventurous thing i've done all year lol. It was actually kind of fun even though I was freaked out at first. It was nice to be able to get away for a while before school starts. I know this school year is going to be a busy one but definitely a good one. I have a feeling God has a lot of great things in store for me this school year. This summer has been full of ups and downs and i've really been dealing with a lot of stuff. I'm starting to learn that I need to deal with things in my life even if it's hard because if I don't things end up building up until I have a huge break down. I have a tendency to push things aside instead of dealing with them like I should. This summer has been good for the most part but I have had some hard times. I have learned a lot about myself this summer and some of it has been really hard to deal with but thanks to God and some really good friends I have been able to slowly start dealing with it.

I move into my new apartment on Thursday and i'm really excited. I have really missed everyone back at school and I can't wait to see them. I also can't wait for Chi Alpha to get started. I am soo ready to be back in San Marcos but I have a lot of packing to do before I leave on Thurday. I am really trying not to take too much stuff with me to school this year because I usually end up taking way to much stuff that I don't even need. I have a feeling i'll end up with way too much stuff but whatever. God has blessed me with some really great roommates this year and i'm looking forward to living with them. I know that we are going to have a lot of fun together. I have just a few more days at home before I move back to San Marcos and even though being in Brenham has been a bit boring this summer I am going to miss being at home with my mom. It's been nice being able to spend time with her this summer. As this blog post comes to an end, my summer is just about to come to an end as well. The next few days will be busy with getting packed but i'm going to try and enjoy them as much as I can.

sigh...

In my last blog post I talked about my trip to Washington DC that was really a lot of fun. Well since that trip I have really been missing all of the friends I made. It was so much fun to hang out with friends every day for about 5 days in a row. Now I am back at home in brenham where I have very few friends and I don't even see them that often. It's been kind of hard to go from such a high back to something that isn't much of a high at all, if you know what I mean. I became closer friends with one of my friends on the trip. We became so close that we are like sisters. It is really awesome! I have been praying for a friend like her for a long time. We have been texting each other every day since the trip and I have been missing her like crazy. The connection I have with her is unlike any connection i've ever had with a friend before and I praise God for bringing her into my life. Tonight has really been the hardest for me. I have been feeling kind of blah and actually want to cry a little bit. It's kind of a bittersweet cry because I feel so blessed and at the same time I miss her and all my other friends so much. I don't think i've ever missed any of my friends before as much as I miss her. This is kind of a strange feeling to be having cause I don't really know if i'm happy or sad. I think i'm just both and it's kind of weird. I'm hoping by tomorrow that this feeling will have gone away and I will be able to focus more on the blessing this has been rather than how much I miss my friends. Friends are a wonderful gift from God but why do they all have to be so far away from me?!?!? It seems like a lot of my really close friends are all so far away from me and I hardly get to see them. I guess thats just a part of life or something. I wish that I could form a special little community with just me and all my close friends and we could just all live together for the rest of our lives. Hmmm thats a thought i've never had before but one to think about lol. Life just doesn't work that way. I really need to learn how to focus on the things that I do have around me and the blessing in my life instead of focusing on what I don't have or wish I had. I am just in a "mood" right now and I know if will soon pass. I don't really know what else to say right now except that I wish I could be somewhere else instead of where I am right now.

A fun week in DC

So this past week I went with the Children's Chorus of San Antonio to Washington DC. At first I wasn't really looking forward to it because I am an alum and i'm so much older than them. I only knew 2 people in the choir before going on the trip so I thought I would be spending most of my time with the chaperones. When the trip got started my 2 friends actually talked with me and wanted to sit with me on the bus. I was thinking they would rather hang out with their friends in the choir. I knew after sitting with them on the bus that things weren't going to be so bad. I actually got to know some of the people in the choir and I became closer with the friends I already knew. It was really a lot of fun and I actually felt like part of the group. I became especially close with one of my friends and I feel like we are sisters. I have known her for a long time but on this trip we really became closer than ever. We really connected in a way that I haven't connected with anybody in a long time. I love her so much and i'm so glad that we were able to spend time together. We went to a lot of places while we were there and saw most of the major sites that are in DC. It was really neat to see the sites. This week was great and I miss everyone from the trip. This was the highlight of my summer and it was nice to get away for a while. I laughed so much on the trip and it was awesome. I had a blast!

What if...

I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell Phones?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn’t live without it?
What if we gave it to kids as gifts?
What if we used it as we traveled?
What if we used it in case of an emergency?
What if we upgraded it to get the latest version?
This is something to make you go…hmmm…where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don’t ever have to worry about our bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill!

stuck in a rut and cleaning

This summer has been similar to other summers at home from college. I have been working just about every day and when i'm not working i'm being super lazy. Lately i've been staying up really late and then sleeping in more than I should. I need to get out of that cycle but it's hard when you live in a small town with nothing to do and hardly any friends to hang out with. I guess it will just be the same old thing over and over until I go back to school. Right now my mom and I have been cleaning out our house and getting stuff ready for a much needed garage sale. Boy do we have a lot of junk in our house. I've decided that i'm tired of having so much junk and I just want to get rid of all of it! One question i've asked myself lately is "how do I always end up accumulating so much stuff that I don't even need and then have such a hard time getting rid of it?". I guess it's just part of human nature but I don't know. We really shouldn't get so attached to our stuff so much but as humans sometimes thats hard. We love our stuff lol. In the end when it comes time for judgement day, Jesus isn't going to look at how much stuff we had. None of that is going to matter to Him and another thing, we can't even take the stuff with us anyways so why do we need it. Anyways, i'm doing my best to get rid of as much stuff as I can so I can clean out my life and have a fresh new start. I think it's what I need. Well now it's time to get back to being lazy for now lol.

Hosea by Jillian Edwards

There’s an open road ahead of me.
An empty sea beside me.
Waiting on the sunshine to make me happy,
or the rain to let me brake down and cry out to you and I wonder.
Why do I ever leave you and turn the other way.
You call me out from the desert come home its not to late, its not to late.
Wondering why I’d ever leave you.
Chasing other lovers that don’t compare to you.
By the time I say I’m sorry so you’ve forgotten my mistakes.
And I wonder, Why do I ever leave you and turn the other way.
You call me out from the desert come home its not to late,
its not to late late lately I’ve been wondering where I’m going I’m gone yea.
Late lately I’ve been a listening to your voice so fierce.
Take me out to the desert and speak to me tenderly,
take me out to the desert speak to me tenderly.
Why do I ever leave you.
You call me out from the desert come home.
Its not to late yea its not to late.

Because I Love Her

I made her...She is different...She's unique.

With love I formed her in her mother's womb.

I fashioned her with great joy.

I created her.

Psalm 139:13-16

I love her smile.

I love her ways.

I love to hear her laugh,

And the silly things shy says and does.

She brings me great pleasure.

This is how I made her.

Psalm 139:17

I made her pretty and not beautiful,

Because I knew she would be vain...

I wanted her to search her heart

And learn that it would be Me in her

That would make her beautiful...

And it would be Me in her

That would draw friends to her.

1 Peter 3:3-5

I made her in such a way,

That she would need Me.

I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be...

Only because I need for her to learn to depend on Me...

I know her heart; I know if I had not made her like this,

She would go her own chosen way

And forget Me...her creator.

Psalm 62:5-8

I have given her many good and happy things...

Because I love her.

Psalm 84:1, Romans 8:32

Because I love her,

I have seen her broken heart...

And the tears she cried alone.

I have cried with her,

And had a broken heart too.

Psalm 56:8

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone,

Only because she would not hold my hand.

So many lessons she has learned the hard way,

Because she would not listen

To My voice...

Isaiah 53:6

So many times I have set back

And sadly watched her go her merry own way alone;

Only to watch her return to My arms,

Sad and broken

Isaiah 62:2

And now she is mine again...

I made her, and then I bought her...

Because I love her.

Romans 5:8

I have to reshape her and remold her...

To renew herto what I planned her to be.

It has not been easy for her or for Me.

Jeremiah 29:11

I want her to be conformed to My image...

This high goal I have set for her,

Because I love her!!

2 Corinthians 2:14

Almost the end...

So as yall know, I haven't blogged in a while and i'm sure you are getting tired of not seeing any new posts. I have been busy with stuff and I haven't really known what to write about. Right now i'm in the middle of finals and I have two more to go before i'm finished for the semester. To be honest, I kind of don't want to go home this summer. I love my mom and I love spending time with her but I just don't have anything other than her to go home to. I will be taking summer school and I will be working but I don't really have any friends in Brenham. It gets kind of boring sometimes. I kind of wish I could stay here in San Marcos for the summer so I could have some kind of social life. I know that I need to go home this summer but it will be hard to leave San Marcos and all my really close friends. I have one more week here in San Marcos before I move back home and I am going to treasure every moment of it. I am going to do my best to make this a good summer and enjoy it as much as I can.

Overwhelmed

So, lately i've been pretty overwhelmed with school. It seems like everything is piling up all at once. School does not come easy for me like it does for some people. Some people can work hard and make A's and B's, I work hard and I make C's and D's with an occasional F thrown in there. I just don't understand why. I tend to compare myself to other people and how well they do in school and wonder why I can't do as well as them but I need to stop doing that because it just gets me doubting myself. My heart is just not in it but I know I need to stay in school to get a good job. Sometimes I feel like i'm being forced into something that I really don't want to do but that not true at all. It just kind of seems that way at times. I havn't had any motivation for school this semester but i've really been trying to be motivated as much as I can be. I wish that I had more motivation to do the things that I need to do for school because then it would be a little bit easier for me to get stuff done. Today it really hit me that I need to get my act together or i'm not going to be able to stay at Texas State. I am going to do everything I can to do well so that I will be able to stay in school. I'm thinking I might need to drop a class this semester so that I can focus more of my time on fewer classes. Hopfully this will help a little bit and I will be able to make it through the semester. I can do everything through him who stregthens me. Philippians 4:13

Why?

Why do you always doubt the potential I see in you?
Why do you doubt the beauty that I see so deep within?
Why do you doubt the knowledge I know that you posses?
Why do you doubt the wisdom that others see in you?
Why do you doubt the strength that I have given you?
Why do you doubt yourself, the one that I created?
When you doubt yourself you also doubt me
For you are my creation, unique in every way
I wish that you could see, the person that I see
The one that is so beautiful, the one that is so dear
I wish that you could see, all I see in you
For there is no other, no other quite like you
You have so much to offer but doubt is in the way
Trust in me and you will see all that you posses
Get rid of all those thoughts, of doubt that cloud your mind
You can do so much if you would just believe
Have faith in me and faith in yourself and you will start to see
You can do all things with strength that comes from me
I am all you need, for I created you in my Image and you are perfect to me

giving it up

Ok so there has been something that has been on my heart off and on since about this time last year. During lent last year I was thinking about what to give up and the first thing I thought of was facebook. I was thinking about it and I just couldn't do it. So i didn't. There were some other times where I was like man I am way too addicted to facebook that I need to give it up and again...I couldn't do it. Off and on I have been feeling like I need to get ride of it for a while so that I can spend more time with God and also more time on homework. Recently it has really been on my heart that I need to give up facebook for a while but i'm just like God, it's not that bad I don't need to give it up. In conversations the past couple of weeks it seems like facebook has been coming up a lot and I end up talking about how I spend too much time on it and I need to get ride of it for a while but I can't do it. I think this might be God's way of saying I need to take a break from it and focus more on Him. Tonight i talked to a good friend and she told me that she has given up facebook until Easter and she encouraged me to do the same. I told her that I would think about it but I wasn't sure if I could do it. Then I came home and it came up in conversation with my roommate and then she thought of giving it up too. We both were nervous about committing to giving up facebook for a month but we decided it was something we both needed to do. This is really going to be hard but I know that with God's strength I will be able to do it. I am hoping to grow closer to God through this time without facebook and to really figure out where my priorities are. AHHHH I can't believe this is really happening but I know that it is something I have needed for a long.

Redirected thoughts

So, recently I have been a little bit distracted by boys. It's like all of a sudden I started noticing them more and checking them out. There was a boy in one of my classes that actually talked to me after class one day and one of my first thoughts was oh my gosh he might like me. Boys like never pay attention to me so when one does I automatically start to think that they might like me. Then I start to think that maybe I like them, which is silly because I just met them and don't even really know them. Another thing i've been noticing about myself is that I have been checking out cute guys that I see and that is something I never really used to do all that much. When I see them I think oh gosh he is good looking and I could see myself with him, he looks like a nice guy. I am losing my focus on God because of all of this and I need to redirect my thoughts. I talked to some friends on Thursday and one of them said that when I see a cute guy or a cute guy starts talking to me I should think, I would like to get to know God more through him rather than thinking he might like me or I might like him. These are not the thoughts that I should have right away cause it takes my thoughts off of God. I could be getting in the way of God's plan for that guy and also God's plans for me as well. I would never want to get in the way of God's plans. This is hard for me cause I am a girl but i'm going to do my best to keep my focus on God and get to know Him more through the guys I meet instead of thinking about whether they like me or I like them. If I do that then God will put the right guy into my life in His perfect timing. Keep God first in every situation and everything else will fall into place according to God's plan for your life. God wants our whole heart and by redirecting my thoughts I will be able to give Him my whole heart and in return he will put the right guy in my life.

My morning

So this morning I had to get up at 8 for my first lab at the child development center, which is quite early for me since I am in no way a morning person. I decided that I better get there a little bit early since it was my first time. I got there about 10 min. early and got all ready to go into the classroom and when I got in there the they said that the teacher was out sick which ment there was no lab for me. I was kind of upset because I had to get up early, catch the bus and walk in the freezing cold just to find out that I had no lab. And to top it all off I don't have anything to do until my class at 12:30 so i'm sitting in the library trying to find things to do until then. On the other hand though, I am a little bit happy because I was not really wanting to start my lab yet so this gives me an extra week off. I guess I got to take the good with the bad. It's times like this that I wish I lived closer to campus so I could go home for a little bit. Oh well, there is nothing I can do about that one. Hopfully the rest of my day will be good and I can't wait for worship practice tonight :)

Discernment

The past couple of weeks I have had this desire in my heart to have a boyfriend. This is not a desire that I have had in almost 3 years. I don't know if it's God saying that i'm ready for a relationship now or if it's just me being a girl. There has been a certain guy that I have never really had strong feelings for or even thought about dating and recently my thoughts have changed about him. I don't really think about him until i'm around him and then I catch myself staring at him, thinking about him and feeling quite happy when i'm around him. I talked to a friend about him and the way I have been feeling and I came to the realization that I might just be attracted to the God in him and the music side of him and not him as a person. Coming to this realization really made me feel better because I don't really want to have feelings for him. He was kind of dating one of my close friends not too long ago and that would just be too weird. Tonight my campus ministry (Chi Alpha) had a super bowl party and he was there. At first I didn't even think about him other than our usual "hi, what's up" thing. Then during the game we made eyes at each other a couple of times and I got this really strong feeling in my heart. That really didn't help me to stop thinking about him. It only made myself think about him more and even want to look at him more. If this really is a God thing them I can't really ignore it but i'm hoping and praying that it is just me being a girl and that it's only the God and music in him that i'm attracted to. The super bowl party was a whole lot of fun and I really enjoyed spending time with good friends. I'm hoping that these feelings will slowly fade away but for now i'm going to pray about it and see if it's really what God wants for me. This is hard for me because i've never put God first in all this relationship stuff. I've always known that I wanted a good Christian guy that goes to church and believes in God but that was the extent of God being in my relationship. I now know that there is more to it and I am learning as I go. I wish all of this relationship stuff could be easy but I guess that's just not the way things are ment to be so I will just have to trust in God and let him be in charge.

Honest

This semester I'm going to work on being more honest about things. I tend to be too nice sometimes and I think I let people walk all over me. That is not going to happen anymore. If there is a situation that might be hurting my feelings or something and I don't say something about it because I'm being nice then how can the situation change? I think that some people don't realize what they are doing and how it might be affecting someone. I also think that they would appreciate me letting them know what they are doing and how it makes me feel so that they can change things. I think being honest about things like that shows that you are a true friend and that you want to help them change so they don't continue to hurt people without realizing it. Things like this are very hard for people like me that are really super nice but I'm not going to let people walk all over me and get hurt by it. It's time for me to stand up for myself. I am going to seek God's guidance through all of this and only say things when God tells me I should. I am learning to be more in tune with God and to be more bold. If he tells me I need to say something to someone about something then I'm going to say it. I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt and feeling like my friends don't really care about me after hanging out with them, even though I know they love me and care about me. Sometimes their actions don't match with their words. It's time that they know what is going on cause I know they would never want to hurt anybody, especially a friend. I know it's not something that they are doing on purpose but sometimes it happens and they need to know. Part of it could be because I'm kind of the quiet one and maybe there is something I need to do to help change the situation but all I know is that God is in control and he will guide me through this.

Back at school

So I got back to my apartment in San Marcos yesterday. I am really glad to be back and see all my friends but i'm so not ready for classes to start tomorrow. I don't know how i'm going to be able to wake up early for class but somehow i'll do it. When I got back I decided I needed a change so I moved some funiture around in my room so that my room would feel a bit bigger. It feels kind of strange having my bed in a different position but it's nice having more room in my room. I have a feeling this semester is going to be a hard one, and not just with school stuff but i'm going to do my best to make it a really good semester. I need to really strive to do my best in all my classes this semester and not just the bare minimum so I can pass. That has been the hardest thing for me since I have been in college. I just do the bare minimum to get by and pass but thats not always the best I can do. I need to do my best and strive for more than just the bare minimum to get by. One thing I have been lacking in college is motivation. Most of the time I just don't have the motivation for school and doing well in my classes and that is why I don't always do my best. This semester I am going to do all that I can to find that motivation to do my best and make better grades. It's not going to be easy but by the grace of God I will be able to do it and it will be a great semester.

Fun with friends

Yeasterday my friends Candice and Amanda came all the way to Brenham to hang out and spend the night at my house. It was so good to see them and get to spend time with them. We had a good time going shopping, going to starbucks, making our own pizza, playing games, and staying up late watching movies. We stayed up till about 3 in the morning watching The Little Rascals, and Everyone's Hero. The one thing that was a big hit was making our own pizza. It was a lot of fun and I had not done that since I was little. After a fun late night we ended up waking up late today. Once we all got up and got ready for the day we went to eat a late lunch at a place in downtown Brenham called must Be Heaven, which is a favorite of mine. It's a good place to go for lunch when you have out of town guest visiting. It's almost like taking a trip back in time to the 1950's. It was really a fun two days with my friends and I was sad to see them leave today but I know I will be seeing them in a week when I go back to San Marcos and I look forward to it.

Comforting

Yesterday evening was one of the best evenings i've had all break. I got to hang out with a friend that I haven't seen in a while and it was nice to just sit and talk with her. I could honestly talk to her for hours and never get tired of her, I love her. Last week was pretty stressful so it was a nice break from all the stress. I feel so blessed to have such awesome friends and I know that God has put each one of them in my life for a reason. I could not ask for better friends. After I got home last night I ended up talking with her for a while online and found out we have a lot in common. We also found out that we feel the same way about certain things. We talked a lot about things and it was like every time one of us said something the other one would say "me too!" It's nice to know that I have someone to talk to that understands exactly what i'm going through and how I feel. It's also nice to know that there is someone that has had some similar experiences as me. After talking with her all I could do is smile and I thought wow God loves me so much that he would put someone like her into my life. It was very comforting and for the first time I feet more at peace with the way I am.